The Next Day
Its early evening. I see on my cell that my bro Al tried to call earlier this afternoon. He's probably wanting to know how I'm doing. He's a good guy, and I love him. It's late where he is so I'll call him tomorrow, if he's not flying somewhere. Mom was really proud of Al. We all are. I'll call Bob and Bill too, I want to know how they're doing. They've lost two mothers. First B.J. and now mom. This can't be easy for either of them.
Laura and I didn't sleep well last night. I kept thinking of mom's last moments. It must have been hard for her. But she was so tired. Tired and fed up with her pain. The only thing about mom's last moments that bothered me, was that she might have been alone. Of all the things that could happen, I just didn't want her to be alone. But, she wasn't. Barb said that there were staff from the rest home all around her when she passed. They are all very kind people in that rest home. I'm sure that they held her hand and talked to her. I hope they told her how much she was loved by us all. Thank God mom didn't go through that alone. Thank you, God.
I've been thinking about how things played out this last week before mom passed. We're a one car family right now, so I have had to wait until the evenings or the weekends to go visit mom. So this last week played out like this:
This last Sunday, Laura, Beth, Popoki (Mom's cat) and I visited her. We had a great visit. Mom was quiet, but interjecting comment when she wanted to say something. Before I left, I put my arms around her, kissed her and whispered a couple of 'I love you's in her ear. I heard a quiet, "I love you, too" from her.
I tried calling mom on Monday, but she never answered. On Tuesday I planned to go with Greg Wednesday afternoon and kept trying to get mom's good friend Lorraine on the phone. Lorraine has been gone for months and mom missed her something awful. When I finally got her on the phone Wednesday morning, I asked her to come with us and she did. Mom has been asking to see her, and Lorraine's car has been down so she hadn't made it over to see mom yet.
When we got there, mom was crying in pain. She could barely acknowledge that her friend Lorraine was there beside her. We got her some pain meds and they rearranged her legs and her pain eased, thankfully. She was too weak and bleary from the meds to enter the conversation, but she listened and did a "yes" or "no" when we asked her something. Mostly, Lorraine, Greg and I just talked about things. We were there for just under three hours, but before we left, mom fought very hard to say simply, "I'm sorry about your boy" to Lorraine. (One of Lorraine's sons passed away recently). When mom said it, there were spontaineous tears. That was a powerful moment.
After our visit, Greg and Lorraine had said their goodbyes and were heading to the door. I was trying to put things within mom's reach so that she could get them: Water, cell phone, TV remote. It was clear that she didn't want any of that stuff and before I left, I gave her a hug and a kiss and whispered, "I love you" to her. She forced an "I love you too". It was hard for her to speak at all but she made the effort to tell me that she loved me too. Thank you, mom, for trying so hard to tell me you love me. It means everything to me.
As I walked away, I looked back and she had an unusual look in her eyes. I think she knew what I didn't know. She knew she wouldn't see me again. I, ever the optimist, always believed there would be at least 'one more visit'. I think mom knew. Her look so unnerved me, that I left without my jacket, my wallet and house keys. I didn't even realize it until someone from the rest home called me that evening to tell me I'd left them there.
That evening after the visit, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about how mom was doing. I woke up every couple of hours and at 4:30am I woke up for good. I got the word mom had passed at 10am.
Laura and I didn't sleep well last night. I kept thinking of mom's last moments. It must have been hard for her. But she was so tired. Tired and fed up with her pain. The only thing about mom's last moments that bothered me, was that she might have been alone. Of all the things that could happen, I just didn't want her to be alone. But, she wasn't. Barb said that there were staff from the rest home all around her when she passed. They are all very kind people in that rest home. I'm sure that they held her hand and talked to her. I hope they told her how much she was loved by us all. Thank God mom didn't go through that alone. Thank you, God.
I've been thinking about how things played out this last week before mom passed. We're a one car family right now, so I have had to wait until the evenings or the weekends to go visit mom. So this last week played out like this:
This last Sunday, Laura, Beth, Popoki (Mom's cat) and I visited her. We had a great visit. Mom was quiet, but interjecting comment when she wanted to say something. Before I left, I put my arms around her, kissed her and whispered a couple of 'I love you's in her ear. I heard a quiet, "I love you, too" from her.
I tried calling mom on Monday, but she never answered. On Tuesday I planned to go with Greg Wednesday afternoon and kept trying to get mom's good friend Lorraine on the phone. Lorraine has been gone for months and mom missed her something awful. When I finally got her on the phone Wednesday morning, I asked her to come with us and she did. Mom has been asking to see her, and Lorraine's car has been down so she hadn't made it over to see mom yet.
When we got there, mom was crying in pain. She could barely acknowledge that her friend Lorraine was there beside her. We got her some pain meds and they rearranged her legs and her pain eased, thankfully. She was too weak and bleary from the meds to enter the conversation, but she listened and did a "yes" or "no" when we asked her something. Mostly, Lorraine, Greg and I just talked about things. We were there for just under three hours, but before we left, mom fought very hard to say simply, "I'm sorry about your boy" to Lorraine. (One of Lorraine's sons passed away recently). When mom said it, there were spontaineous tears. That was a powerful moment.
After our visit, Greg and Lorraine had said their goodbyes and were heading to the door. I was trying to put things within mom's reach so that she could get them: Water, cell phone, TV remote. It was clear that she didn't want any of that stuff and before I left, I gave her a hug and a kiss and whispered, "I love you" to her. She forced an "I love you too". It was hard for her to speak at all but she made the effort to tell me that she loved me too. Thank you, mom, for trying so hard to tell me you love me. It means everything to me.
As I walked away, I looked back and she had an unusual look in her eyes. I think she knew what I didn't know. She knew she wouldn't see me again. I, ever the optimist, always believed there would be at least 'one more visit'. I think mom knew. Her look so unnerved me, that I left without my jacket, my wallet and house keys. I didn't even realize it until someone from the rest home called me that evening to tell me I'd left them there.
That evening after the visit, I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about how mom was doing. I woke up every couple of hours and at 4:30am I woke up for good. I got the word mom had passed at 10am.
posted by McQ at 5:22 PM
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