Thankfully Busy
Thanks to Christmas, I have been thankfully busy. Not busy enough to forget our loss, but busy enough not to dwell on it. There have been moments, though. I was watching Fox news and the guy who was doing the news said, "...and this being the first Christmas without our beloved mother, our celebrations are somewhat muted..." Well, that teared me up a bit. It suddenly dawned on me to put a photo of mom on our Christmas tree. So I took my favorite photo of mom and put it almost on the top.
As far as missing her for these holidays, I'm recalling that I had a miserable Thanksgiving this last time because we usually "stole" mom from the rest of the family and had her over for the day. And, God, how I loved having her over for Thanksgiving. It had become rare to get her out at all in the last few years. The last time we were able to have her over was two years ago in Vacaville. I think that all mom really wanted to do was have some turkey and talk to our cats. She would eat, talk to the cats and then fall asleep for awhile. But we (myself, Laura, Greg & Beth) felt good having her here. I know the kids will remember those times with her. Even though she was in a wheelchair, she was still that little girl trying to have fun. And to remember how she managed to have fun and enjoy moments is something we all will need to remember when we're older...Duh!...forgive me if that sounds obvious, but I'm just starting to connect-the-dots on some of these things.
I wish she could have come over to her house just once more. I told her I would take care of this house for her, but I wanted her to see what we were doing. That, in itself, may be a fatal flaw in my reasoning, because she probably would be so frustrated that she couldn't do it herself. She had such plans and schemes. Every scheme involved tomato plants, green peppers, whiskey barrels and herbs. But, like the rest of us, we sometimes fall short of being able to accomplish everything we want to do. I was able to create this massive veggie garden a few years ago, but since lacked the time and energy to do that again on that scale. She, in her walker, still loved to muck around barefoot picking beans or squash. Even in the mud!! Mom was still an island girl and she told me that one of her favorite things to do was squish around in the mud and dirt in her bare feet. (Insert smile here). Once she wasn't able to do that around her house, I guess there couldn't have been much more to live for as far she was concerned.
I still remember when we moved into this place back in '64 mom. I remember planting the Zinnias(sp) and Marigolds in the spring. I remember the smell of the flowers and the dirt on the hot summer days. The flowers will return to the front yard so I can remember you and those times, mom.
As far as missing her for these holidays, I'm recalling that I had a miserable Thanksgiving this last time because we usually "stole" mom from the rest of the family and had her over for the day. And, God, how I loved having her over for Thanksgiving. It had become rare to get her out at all in the last few years. The last time we were able to have her over was two years ago in Vacaville. I think that all mom really wanted to do was have some turkey and talk to our cats. She would eat, talk to the cats and then fall asleep for awhile. But we (myself, Laura, Greg & Beth) felt good having her here. I know the kids will remember those times with her. Even though she was in a wheelchair, she was still that little girl trying to have fun. And to remember how she managed to have fun and enjoy moments is something we all will need to remember when we're older...Duh!...forgive me if that sounds obvious, but I'm just starting to connect-the-dots on some of these things.
I wish she could have come over to her house just once more. I told her I would take care of this house for her, but I wanted her to see what we were doing. That, in itself, may be a fatal flaw in my reasoning, because she probably would be so frustrated that she couldn't do it herself. She had such plans and schemes. Every scheme involved tomato plants, green peppers, whiskey barrels and herbs. But, like the rest of us, we sometimes fall short of being able to accomplish everything we want to do. I was able to create this massive veggie garden a few years ago, but since lacked the time and energy to do that again on that scale. She, in her walker, still loved to muck around barefoot picking beans or squash. Even in the mud!! Mom was still an island girl and she told me that one of her favorite things to do was squish around in the mud and dirt in her bare feet. (Insert smile here). Once she wasn't able to do that around her house, I guess there couldn't have been much more to live for as far she was concerned.
I still remember when we moved into this place back in '64 mom. I remember planting the Zinnias(sp) and Marigolds in the spring. I remember the smell of the flowers and the dirt on the hot summer days. The flowers will return to the front yard so I can remember you and those times, mom.
posted by McQ at 1:56 PM
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