Fragmented Thoughts

Well...dad is gone...you probably already know that.  Before he passed, I asked him to look in on you.  I guess that he regretted being such a bastard to you...he tried to communicate that to me in the month's leading up to his passing.  I doubt seriously that you two are in the same place, however...oil & water, you two were!

Thanks for the 52 years I've had so far.  Every once in awhile, I look over at Laura and tell her I miss you...she misses you too...even though you two didn't always get along.

Popoki is with you now too...bet you are happy.  I would look into that cat's eyes and swear you were looking back at me!  lol.

Still fixing up the house a bit at a time.  We all miss you a lot.  See you soon, dear.

Love,

Brian

Hey Mom...Popoki is still going!

Popokers (what we like to call her) is still out in the back yard livin' the life O'Reilly. I make time to give her a chuck and scratch now and then when she isn't running away from me. She and her long-time mate, Squeekers (picture forth-coming) meet me every morning for chow-call. I'm sure that you, BJ and Nana were there for Jaime when she crossed. I miss you all very much....brian

I've Been Thinking About You, Kiddo

Mom;

Just spent some time at Bob's Charity/Celeb tennis event for breast cancer. I had a great time seeing Bob, Bill, Barb and the whole HEE-HAW gang . Saw your name up on a banner along with BJ and Esther.

I wonder, did Esther get stuck in the elevator up to heaven like she did on the cruise ship you guys went on? That was a source of never-ending giggles for both of you, and I can't help but smile when I think of that.

Both of you were so important to me (and all of us). It helps me to think you guys are together up there in the ether along with BJ and Olive, Margo, Nana, your dad and your brother. Of course, I'm sure Olive has already played the woopee-cushion-under-the-cloud trick already.

There isn't a day that goes by I don't see you in something mom. You touched so many people and things. There's a cat we named "Hitler" because of an unfortunate lip injury that makes him look like Adolph a bit. We have nursed him back to health from the brink. It was important for me to do it because that part of you is in me and I just can't help myself.

Sorry it has been so long mom...if you're looking down, you know I've talked to you many times directly, so the long absence in the blog isn't that big a deal.

I Think You Would Like the Kitchen

Laura and I are working hard to fix up the house. We intend to be deserving of receiving this house from you by really making it beautiful...Its starting to come together slowly.

The kitchen, sans some paint and ceiling work, is just about finished. I know you would like what we've done. I look at it and think, "This is what she would have wanted." You always wanted a nicer kitchen and kept working towards that until other things changed your priorities.

I hope you like the kitchen mom...I think of you every time I walk in.

You Were There

We did the 4th of July thing in Vacaville again. It's becomming a tradition. I felt your presence there, mom. Hope you had a good time. We were thinking of you.

We all had a good time. Edie and I fought over who was going to take the remaining macaroni salad home. I know you always liked the potato salad...and some was missing. Did you take it?

There was one of those cat apartment thingys being given away across the street so we took it and now our indoor cats have a spot to hang out they can call their own. Spooky is being the bitch that she is, of course, and is refusing to have anything to do with it.

Last week, Barb & Nolan drove in to pick up what they left at the ranch. They are in a good place (mentally & physically) and Barb has been watching over your great-grandchildren with great gusto. Nolan picked up the computer I built for him and I'm sure by now he's wailing away at the enemies of truth and justice as he plays Warcraft.

Very few moments go by without a thought of you. See you in my dreams, mom.

Love,
Brian

Happy Birthday, Mom

I wonder sometimes if birthdays mark not the beginning of life here on Earth, but are just a milepost some distance before and after. I'll guess I'll find out soon enough, but without you here, it seems like birthdays are just...I dunno...different.
Barb and I talked about you and I found out that I'm not the only person who feels the need to talk with you. We all miss you a lot, mom.
What I see in my mind is you blowing the candle out on an angel food cake...or maybe a champagne cake...you loved those. If I wasn't so damn broke right now, I'd buy one and blow out the candles for you, mom. Perhaps I'll do that later when I can spare the moolah.
So, just remember that we're all down here marking the occasion. The date represents the moment you arrived amongst us and the blindingly pure light that you arrived with. All that knew you have some measure of that light glowing within them. Thanks for the light, mom. It has guided my way through dark times. Happy birthday!

Mom, I'm starting to see the wisdom...

...of some of the things that you did. When all of your kids left the nest, you poured your love into those cats and dogs. Everyone needs love and companionship...but I'm starting to understand you better. Companionship is really more necessary than love, really. And you found it in these bloody animals, didn't you?

My cat (the one named "Maus", pronounced 'mouse') gets up on my lap and stares at me for hours no matter what I'm doing. Especially when I'm studying at the dining table. She's just waiting for the opportunity to share her day with me. Mom, I think of you every time Maus blinks her eyes. We all loved you, but couldn't be there with you most of the time because we had our lives and blah, blah, blah. I understand now mom.

We now have a total of four neighborhood 'regulars' that we feed. When we can afford to do so, we'll have them all spayed/neutered. Meanwhile, they are our 'charges' and we will take care of them in the great tradition you founded.

I've decided to go to the next Asleep At The Wheel concert that comes by. Not that I'm a fan of their music, exactly. Its just a connection, I guess, to you, while you're on the other side of things. I don't know if I'll just sit there and enjoy the music or cry my eyes out. Either way, I know I'll enjoy being with you again.

I'm glad that you knew I was going back to college. I will work hard to make ya proud, mom. I'll talk with you soon, hon.

Take care.